I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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