I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
