My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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