If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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