I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
