loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
