remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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