3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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