Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
