6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
