she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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