Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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