youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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