Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
