turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
