happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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