Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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