A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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