Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
