Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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