I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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