This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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