Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
