If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
