In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk is not a location!
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