I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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