I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
