i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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