Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize