CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
