Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
