Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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