I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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