There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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