It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
