Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
