adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
