i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.