I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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