You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
