I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just invented taco cereal.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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