I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
