took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
