I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
