I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
