Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
