whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
