He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The adults are the big ones right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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