Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
