I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
