he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
