ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
