legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
