All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
