Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
