I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
