yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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