Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
