I wish my penis had an off switch
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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