She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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