Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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