I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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