Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
