I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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