Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
